FEARless 

It took me a good decade, including many detours and blockages along the way to dedicate myself to this topic and it took me even more work to put it on paper.
For a long time, I kept putting it off, suppressing it, leaving it to the side, as they say.

The word scaredy-cat can't begin to describe how I used to feel and how I went through life.
But one day, when there was no other way out, it was time for me to face my fear.

I was driven by fear, there were days when my bright spot was the coming night, knowing that at least in sleep I could relax and let go for a few hours.

It can't be put into words. It was pure torture.

I was afraid of not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough you name it.

I was afraid of food, afraid of running out of time, afraid of losing everything, afraid of what others would think, afraid of speaking my mind, afraid of making mistakes, etc.

(Interestingly, I have never been afraid of dying, but more on that later).

For years I just felt stuck and lost. I suppose for once no one ever noticed or maybe they did. I don't know.

All that time, though, I always had the deep knowing that there was more to this life than that.
This quiet hunch became louder and louder until one day I decided it couldn't go on like this. I looked in the mirror in the morning and swore to myself that I would not rest until I found the answers to my questions. The longing for freedom and peace was stronger than the dark shadow inside me.
So I searched, researched, tried, fell down and got up again. .

The thing about fear is that it doesn't exist.
Shocking I know. Many will now say, no it does exist, I can feel it, it is real.
It is true that the feeling of fear is real. But if fear were something real, then we would all have the same fears, wouldn't we?
However, this is not the case. The truth is that each of us creates the devil, as I call him.
You are not afraid. You just focus on something you don't want and as soon as you do that your emotions, your compass signal that you are mentally going into the danger zone.
Then it gets really uncomfortable, your throat tightens, you get hot and cold, your heart starts to race. As soon as you focus on something neutral again, you will feel relief and know that you are back on the right track.


We have adopted fears in our childhood that are not our own.

Watching young children is always a highlight for me. They are so deeply relaxed and live so in the now moment. This is not because they are naive and don't know anything about life yet, but because they are just smart enough and don't focus on things they don't want to.


The principle is really simple, the practical application not so simple.
Honestly, it must be said that it takes some time to train his focus because it was untrained for so long. But it is like riding a bike or driving a car. Everything gets better with practice.
All "external aids" are only tools with which one can find some relief,
But the deciding factor, the miracle pill is you.
No one can save you, but no one can imprison you either.

It is a process and I am still not where I want to be, but it is getting better day by day.
Breathing techniques, short meditations are the only drugs I use, besides coffee of course.
Meanwhile, there are days when I can't even feel anxiety, even if I try.


Only in retrospect do you realize how pointless anxiety actually is. It makes you fail before you have even started. Fear prevents you from freedom, love, beauty, creativity.
It prevents you from living.
Fear is an illusion that we bring to life, just like everything else.

The only thing you have to fear is fear itself.

Therefore, be brave, be fearless. Always.